vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
Originally posted by [ profile] elfs at Evolution has an announcement to make
In a public press announcment, a spokesbeast for Evolution gave the following statement:
Recent news reports show that support for evolution has fallen below 50% among members of the Republican Party. Due to this, Evolution has decided to drop any support it currently gives to the Republican party. Evolution will not work on or for Republicans, and Republicans will cease evolving.

Evolution would like to remind Republicans that species that cannot, or will not, evolve in environments as dynamic as the American electorate quickly go extinct. Eventually, should the Republican party continue to avoid Evolution, the Republican party will be remembered only by its old and mouldy fossils.

Can't help it, I've got to giggle. I want to be as awesome as [ profile] elfs when I grow up.


Jul. 9th, 2013 07:43 pm
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
I refuse to support an America where al-Qaeda insurgents and smelly hippies can sabotage our prosperity. --
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
CL: confused lady
Me: guess who!

Phone: Brrrrrrrrains. Brrrrrains. Where da brrrrrrains?
Me: Thank you for calling, this is Vasaris.
CL: This is Confused Lady in the LA office.
Me: Hi, Confused! What can I do for you?
CL: I've got a rush shipment from Canada to the US. [Other Office] told me that you do that.
Me: ... Um er, so do they...? Okay. So... Where are the goods crossing?
CL: *sounding very lost* ...From Canada..?
Me: ...right.

In fairness, she's in LA and may have no reason to realize the Canadian border is very, very long and has more than one access point. Or, if I'm going to be nice, know which Canadian ports go with which US ports except she can probably use Google, that's how I figured it out. But "'s coming from Canada?" will never stop being funny.
vasaris: (Default)
"It's like Cupid swapped his arrows for a steak knife..." instead of pricking me with an arrow, he's going to stab me repeatedly with a dirty knife to make me fall in love?

I... I... I... think I need to find a place to hide from batshit crazy stalker!Cupid. The image gives a whole new meaning to bleeding love.

Seriously, someone hold me and keep me safe from Cupid. *shivers*
vasaris: (Default)

I have no idea what one of those is doing on agricultural equipment, but it sure made me giggle.
vasaris: (Default)
"I don't understand. We are just importing dietary foodstuffs. Why do we need to provide information to the FDA?"

Dear Importer:

If you were actually with a Canadian company, I *might* accept that you don't know what the FDA is or what it is for (sadly it is not the FUN Drug Administration. If it is, I have not received my share of the fun drugs.) Sadly, you are an American in the US working for a US company, so I am quite distressed by the idea that you have no idea what the FDA is for.

I don't care what your previous broker let you get away with. While you are with us, you will obey the law. I'm so totally not sorry that you feel that it is horrible and unfair and all, but I'd prefer that you not import goods that have been determined to be detrimental to the beings consuming them. Yes, you will obtain every single piece of information I want you to obtain, and you will thank me for insisting that you comply with the requirements for your goods to enter the country.

Kiss, Kiss!
-- Me
vasaris: (Default)
'It's a photocopier, not rocket science.'

Although, in fairness, sometimes I think that HP goes out of their way to make things more difficult than they need to be (*glares at HP fax/copier/scanner*). The number of screens to forward the fax line is *ridiculous*. Don't even get me started on the average paper path, which is absurdly long and prone to jamming.
vasaris: (Default)
[Poll #1722252]
vasaris: (Default)
"Get in the office and make your wife some money."

...I wish I was that clever. Srsly.
vasaris: (Default)
Or, possibly, tax you to death.

Srsly, poke the link. It's funny. I should check to see if there's a comm specifically for customer WTFs, because some of them are mindbending.

Highly radioactive liquified high-pressure dinosaurs.


(although the horny hamster will always be my vote FTW)


Oct. 11th, 2005 01:30 pm
vasaris: (Default)
I love Mark Twain.

I think he'd be a member of Fandom_Wank.
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
I ever dreamed before/I dreamed that men had all agreed/to put an end to war...

No, wait, that's a Simon and Garfunkel tune.

Actually, I dreamed of mom, which was nice. I could have done without the pregnant mormon girls in chainmail bikinis and lacy silk robes though.

I'm not sure if it was weirder than the M*A*S*H/Alien crossover dream that occurred at the bottom of the ocean.

Then again... Pregnant. Mormon. Girls. Wearing. CHAINMAIL BIKINI THINGS. at some kind of seminar-thing.

That mom wanted to go to. Only, we hadn't expected the bikinis.

No idea what the seminar was about, as I was quite wierded out by the whole "Half-naked pregnant momon girls wearing sparkly gold headdresses and looking, well, brainwashed or something!"

Then mom went out to the car and I couldn't find her, except this nice gangbanger-wannabe had seen her and led me to the right place and mom picked me up in her pimpmobile (aka that damn white towncar with the purple plush velvet-stuff). I'm not sure we talked, but I remember being secure in her love for me. Which was nice.

But. DUDE.

Pregnant. Mormon. Girls. in. CHAINMAIL BIKINIS.

Sometimes my unconsious mind is scary-scary-scary.
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris) find an oven mitt lodged in your pants.

How I could have missed the oven mitt when putting them on, I have no idea.
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
Found on [ profile] customers_suck

*laughs and laughs*

My favorite:

Dear teen boy,

If you wanted to come out to your parents, borrowing your Dad's credit card, setting up an account in his name and ordering a load of gay porn perhaps wasn't the best way to do it...

*laughs some more*

Although this post is just about as good for laughs.

My favorite:

IC2 lays a bunch of fall decorations on the counter, including a wreath and other such stuff. He hands me his store credit card, but it's declined.

me: I'm sorry sir, but your card has been declined. Would you like to use another method of payment?
IC2: *swears, digs through wallet, gives me cash*
IC2's wife: DAMMIT [name], that's our grocery money!
IC2: ...
IC2's wife: Oh go ahead, but now we're not going to be able to eat this week!
me: !!!!!!
vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
M: Me
I: Not so bright person. (bet you can guess what the I stands for.)

M: Making conversation because she's waiting for her husband to finish feuling
M: Well, I hope you had a good visit to Canada.
I: Yes! It was great!
M: That's good.
I: So, what's the weather been like here?
M: glances out the window at the cloudless sky and wishing the airconditioning worked a bit better
M: Hot, mostly.
I: Wow. Just like in Canada, then.
M: ...

Because weather stops at border checkpoints too.

vasaris: (cuddle cthulhu! by Vasaris)
...but it's so much fun.

We who have accounts there are idiots.

Dunno that I've ever denied that, but I'm there so C-chan can glomp [ profile] ashenmote at his tentically pleasure. And for the popcorn, icons, cookies, and general WTF-ness.

(actually, I thought the discussion on [ profile] fanthropology was interesting.)

The responding thread on Fandom Wank is, as it happens, the usual pit of random comments, snarky analysis, and drive-by icon-love.


[ profile] deoridhe's l33t-$P34k makes my eyes hurt, although I'm impressed by [ profile] ashenmote's ability to type backward... and [ profile] kroki_refur's l33t backwards nearly gave me an anyurism. My hat dive bombs the floor in your general direction.
vasaris: (Default)
This and this this from [ profile] mock_the_stupid. The original thread has some entertaining stuff in it, but...

Texas. Scares. Me.

vasaris: (buy a clue)
A = Addlepated numskull, aka a customer
M = Me
C = Co-worker

A: Where's the cheese?
M: Over under the window.
Customer wanders over to the cheese case and stares down into it for a while.
A: Is this the only brand of cheese you carry?
I stare blankly at him for a moment.
C: That all we have, sorry.
M: (very quiet) No, there's a whole display in the cooler we don't want anyone to see, much less buy from.
Customer sneers and walks out.
C: Moron.

March 2014

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